


A Little (Lot) Unorthodox

by JotunPrincess



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Andy | Andromache of Scythia Never Loses Immortality, Booker | Sebastien le Livre is Part of the Team, Crack, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kinda, M/M, Nile Freeman is So Done, Nile should have the brain cell, Team as Family, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunPrincess/pseuds/JotunPrincess
Summary: The team gets caught and trapped in a bad situation, and use a rather unorthodox way out.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 12
Kudos: 133





	A Little (Lot) Unorthodox

How the kidnapper got the drop on them had been a dirty play. Yet somewhere between their safehouse and airport, they were put under and carted away to who knows where. Slowly the group started to come around from the drug used to knock them all out. The room was small, closed in with a seamless door. The five of them all cuffed into chairs. 

Andy frowned as she pulled at the cuffs a bit before looking around to the rest. 

“Good, you’re all awake now.” A voice came into the room before the ceiling, speakers.

Cocking his head to one side Booker smiled at Joe like the cat that got the cream. “Want to play a trick,” he asked. 

The curly-haired man smiled in return as did Andy and Nicky, Nile now confused about what was going on. “Follow along Nile, we’ll be out soon.” It was a promise. 

“The five of you are by no means going to get out of this the easy way. You’ll have choices to make, but in the end, I decide who lives and who dies--”

“Who tells your story,” Nicky sang. 

“Nicely done, my heart,” Joe looked proud. 

Andy spoke up, “Seriously, what is this a Saw Movie?”

Booker and Joe were doing their best not to laugh. 

“Stop laughing! I have you trapped. You are at my mercy,”

Shaking his head, Booker replied, “You better hope we don’t get out of here kid, or I will break your neck,” It was a promise. They would get out.

"Don't call me a kid, I'm a grown man,"

Andy laughed, “I fucking doubt that. Can we get tacos after?”

Nile watched and Nicky, Joe, and Booker considered the question, “Sure. But we have to find a good taco spot, not that fast food shit,” Joe answered.

There was a click, a ticking, and they all got a drop of what appeared to be water on their heads, only to find it was acid. 

“Hey, stop playing games, time to get the fuck out of this shit,” Nile pulled at her restraints while the others looked unphased. 

“This is nothing, this is just low-level acid. Want some real acid, get the stuff that they have in labs.” 

“You can fight and squirm all you want,” the voice panted before he was cut off by Booker sounding somewhat disgusted, “Are you fucking Jerking off while playing with us? That’s fucking nasty and I did not consent to this.” 

“His dick is probably small anyway and he’s using a pair of tweezers to do it,” Andy laughed. Nile’s mouth hung open as her brown eyes settled on Andy as if the woman had finally lost her mind.

They were fucking crazy.

“Andy you shouldn’t mock the afflicted,” Nicky scolded softly.

The seamless door suddenly banged open to reveal a man armed with a gun. 

“I’ll kill all of you right here, right now. This is my game, not some party for you to enjoy.”

“Aw, he’s a baby. I think he’s barely older than you are, Nile,” pointed out the man with curly hair. 

He turned his gun on him, “I will fucking shoot you here and now, I’ll make sure you never see daylight again,”

Nicky chimed in, “I feel like that line was from a movie but I can’t think of it right now, damn it. Andy, do you remember what movie that was from?” 

The gun was pointed at Nicky, “Hey can I get some water, that gas you used has my throat dry,” Andy almost sounded bored. 

The gun turned to her next, “I’m not giving you anything else an easy death,” the gun cocked. 

Booker who had been silent for a few moments, suddenly spoke up, “The 50s The Wild One that’s the film,” the gun was in his direction. 

“Ah yes, that was the one.” Nicky nodded in confirmation. 

The gun went back to Andy, “I’ll blow this bitch's brains out if you don’t shut the fuck up!”

“Motherfucker, you don’t have the balls,” Andy gave him the biggest shit-eating grin she could. The others laughed save for Nile who continued to watch along in horror. 

He pointed the gun in Nile’s direction, “I’ll kill her,”

“Will you though?” The comment came from Booker. 

“Book?” Nile watched the blonde in disbelief shaking her head. Even if they wouldn’t stay dead today she still didn’t feel like dealing with a headshot. 

“What? You might not want the headshot but I do. I could honestly use it as a good nap.” 

The man looked horrified. 

“Yeah, none of us are scared of dying, so you’re a little out of luck. Anything you have planned will only amuse us really. That and really, you watched one too many horror films to really think you could pull this off. Frankly, I’m disappointed in you,” Nicky fixed him with his best disappointment glare causing the man to look back at all of them. 

He started with Nicky and went around until they were all released. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t do this again,” the man looked to be on the verge of tears. 

Nicky patted him on the shoulder as a distraction while Joe knocked him out. 

“Come on Nile, we’ll find a car. Nicky, Joe I want you to check the rest of the building and make sure there isn’t anyone else around. Book, security feed.” 

Twenty minutes later they drove away from the home to head back to the city. Nile finally spoke up, "Is no one going to fucking say anything?"

"What is there to say, we're out, the kid isn't going to be stupid enough to pull some shit like that. We can keep tabs on him for a bit. Easy day when you don't have to bleed for it." Andy reclined the passenger to close her eyes, "Now we go find tacos,"

Nicky chimed in, "I mean I'd say today went well, we made it out with all our limbs attached at least," 

"No one died, I'd call that a good day," The Frenchman agreed. 

Nile just shook her head, "You're all fucking insane."

"Give it a few years you'll get there."


End file.
